Becoming an Adult Without Being Really Prepared

There is one phase of life that often comes without permission: mature. It does not come with a manual. Nor does it come with an official announcement that “you are ready now”. Next thing you know, we are required to understand. Asked to be strong. Hopefully wise. Even though inside, there is still a small child who is confused, afraid, and feels tired.

Many of us grow up without ever being truly prepared for adulthood. We are taught to obey, but not taught to make decisions. We are accustomed to obeying, but not trained to bear the consequences. We know what sin and reward are, but we have never been taught how to survive when life doesn’t go straight. So we become awkward adults. Age increases, responsibilities pile up, but the inner self often lags behind.

Adulthood comes through force, not preparation

Some people become adults because situationnot because of readiness. Some have to mature quickly because they lost their parents. Some are forced to be strong because of the economy. There are also those who learn to be tough because they have nothing to lean on.

Islam understands this condition. Because not all maturity is born from an ideal process. Some are actually born from wounds. And Allah does not judge humans by their neat journey, but by their seriousness in standing the test.

Allah Drug said (which means), “Allah does not burden a person except according to his ability.” (QS. al-Baqarah: 286)

This verse is not a promise that life will be easy, but a guarantee that no test comes without the capacity to endureeven though we only realize this capacity after falling many times.

Maturity is not about knowing everything, but knowing who we lean on

A big mistake in understanding adulthood is thinking that being mature means not being fragile. In fact, in Islam, maturity is seen when someone knows where to take their vulnerability.

Rasulullah ﷺ, the most mature human being in faith and morals, still cries, still complains, still prostrates in prayer. Maturity does not lie in eliminating weaknesses, but in clarity of direction when weak.

Many of us grew up with the phrase, “You’re already big, isn’t that so?” In fact, what would be more honest would be, “You’re an adult, so it’s normal to feel tired, as long as you don’t give up.”

When no one teaches you how to manage life

There is a wound that is rarely discussed: the wound of never being taught. Not taught to manage emotions. Not taught to set priorities. Not taught to make peace with failure. Not taught that life is sometimes gray, not always black and white like in textbooks.

Islam does not require humans to be perfect. What is required is learning and growing. Even repentance itself is proof that Allah opens up space for humans who fall because of ignorance, make mistakes because of haste, and make mistakes because of limitations. Maturity in Islam is not about not making mistakes, but about not defending mistakes and not dwelling on them for long.

Healthy adults: Be responsible without losing heart

There are people who appear functionally mature (working, taking care of the family, taking on roles) but their hearts are dry. Everything is done as a burden, not a mandate. This is not complete maturity, but rather suppressed fatigue. Islam teaches balance: responsibility without losing mercy, firmness without turning off empathy, and steadfastness without being hostile to yourself.

If now we grow up without ever really preparing ourselves, then that is not a shame. What’s embarrassing is when we don’t want to learn, don’t want to ask, and don’t want to return to God.

Becoming an adult without preparation is painful. But often, that is precisely where God forges humans. Not everyone matures because of guidance. Some grow up because of the endless prayers offered in silence. Some people grow up because they have fallen many times, then choose to get up without applause. And perhaps, the most honest maturity is this: keep going, even though you know you are not completely ready, while continuing to learn, while continuing to ask for guidance, and while continuing to hope that God’s mercy is never far away.

By Allah, Ta’ala. Hope it is useful.

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Writer: Junaidi Abu Isa

Article Muslim.or.id